In trying to make you irrelevant you remain relevant. I’m ashamed to say that days are spent thinking about how well I’m doing without you and that you’ll somehow regret not having me in your life (still here-___-). Honestly, I never wanted you to go away at all. While envisioning the future, I crave for the day you see me successful being THAT girl. It’s odd cause you’re not supposed to matter whether my dreams come to fruition or not. But you don’t go away easily do you? I search for you unconsciously. Subconsciously when I see you my heart pauses a little. Immediately I get sick knowing that I can’t have you, but in that moment I got my fix. I saw a piece of you; it gave me a look into your now distant life. This is sickening and sad, yet so truthful. I want to make this private but here is my truth. This is uncomfortable and embarrassing yet here lies transparency.