Lastly the behavior that bothers me are my thoughts about a guy I was involved with. We had a cat and mouse type of relationship through college and after graduating it was about the same. Now this guy has trust issues, self esteem issues, and lots of other things that he deals with internally. If you met him you wouldn’t know it though. He is cool, gives off that butt hole-ish type of air, and can be fun to be around. Through our interactions and talks of being serious, I realized a lot about him that he hasn’t confronted within himself. The event that happens: I see him on social media, seeing his name written on a sign somewhere, or traveling in Atlanta (this is where we dated). I usually think: “I wonder how he’s doing” “Does he miss me?” “Did he care?” and my favorite one of all, “Why is he so stupid?” Now we ended our relationship thingy last June. We haven’t talked since November 2013, yet I still wonder and long for his validation. This makes me feel lonely, inadequate, sad, and angry. The behavior that occurs next is missing him. Debating on whether to text, or share a funny joke. I have yet to give into these behaviors but they are everything that tortures me. Sometimes I hope that he will see me out with someone else and feel foolish. Other times I hope that he misses me just as much as I miss him. Not so much the relationship, but more of just missing the person that he is. Missing that friendship. I’ve realized that he and I could no longer be friends or anything else. I made that decision last November when we finally sat down to talk about everything. Prior to that we hadn’t talked in 6 months. My statements were pretty final and ended everything. I feel like it was the right thing to do for me, but Dr. Moore I truly miss him.
Excerpts of a Reflection